We are failing our boys

TES magazine article

I regularly read the TES magazine (the “Times” weekly Education Magazine), and one recent article called my attention. It was called “What’s holding boys back?” and exposed how our stereotypes are letting the boys behind in education. After all the talks about equal opportunity, I was finally happy to read something about the future of the boys and a reflexion on it. I am the mother of a son now aged 11, and the recent surge in feminism left me wondering the world he was going to grow into and the place society will allow him to have. There is such a strong sense of revenge from women from all the years of inequality that I fear the world might head too much the other way and starts victimizing the men. Not only that, but the article pointed out a concern that I had since my son was born, the fact that the expectations are usually lower for boys, with no apparent reason. Having 3 daughters and 1 son, I have often complained in front of friends and relatives that my son would not behave as responsibly and wisely as my daughters, and I could even add sometimes the word kindly. When I have complained that my son wouldn’t keep himself busy with an interesting hobby, wouldn’t naturally help in any chore in the house, wouldn’t be trusted in following house rules, wouldn’t respect feelings or privacy, and so on, I always receive the same reply “Well, it’s a boy”. To which I have always wanted to scream: “Does it really mean that my expectations should be lower about his education and his behaviour?” I do recognize that, despite what society wants us to believe, boys and girls do grow and behave differently, that they have different ways to relate to the world and to others, and that they should be allowed to be different. But I don’t think that should make excuses for boys when they are not putting enough efforts. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a description at all of the boys in general, but they do have a tendency to prefer screens over other activities, for putting themselves first and not listening to others. The TES article says that from an early age, boys in a school environment are usually recognised as “class clowns”, “underachievers”, “less mature” than girls. In fact, there is a common opinion that boys are noisier and more easily distracted than girls, can’t concentrate as much and can get by with being rude or naughty. The article states that in general these stereotypes affect boys’ achievement as they are not expected to perform as well as girls (having also an effect on girls who are, on the contrary, always expected to perform and behave well!).

So maybe if we are looking at proper gender equality, we should probably include raising the bar for boys and allow them to aim for the best from an early age! And after all, despite the portrait I have depicted of my son, I might not be such a bad Mum in believing that he does have an amazing potential waiting to be nurtured and developed, if only people would stop to make excuses for him all the time…

About bright and inquisitive minds

I mentioned in my profile that my multilingual children are bright and inquisitive minds, and this statement calls for an explanation in the first place.

Inquisitive? Maybe I should better say open-minded or curious. Used from a very early age to travel to France and Italy on a regular basis, to meet with people of different nationalities, to eat a vast range of food, to accept different ways of behaving and thinking, my children see the world as their oyster. They are not afraid of travelling, of learning new skills, of trying new foods, of taking new habits.

Bright? For taking on several languages since birth, multilingual children are used from a very early age to comprehend many information at the same time. Consequently, their memory is phenomenal, their capacity to register information is impressive and their sense of logic well-developed. When their English friends at nursery were learning their first basic 300 words to describe their daily activities , my children had to learn three times the amount so they could understand both Daddy and Mummy speaking. While doing so, they were also confronted with the fact that words are just concepts and language is mainly abstract: if there are several ways to ask for a biscuit, certainly words are there to convey ideas, feelings, concepts. They surprisingly understood very quickly that you couldn’t speak any language with everyone and never got it wrong in using the right language with the right person. In fact, whoever tried to talk to them in a language that wasn’t their originally was given a strange look and a reply in the correct language (“Bonjour, comment ça va?” coming from the nursery teacher was received with wide eyes and a “good morning Miss”).

Tea my friend? About my blog’s title

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Every two years, my cousin, who is a “brocanteur” in the North of France, fills her car to the brim with lovely french stuff to sell in my house around Christmas time. For me, it is a great way to invite people for something different than just a coffee and shares with pride my french heritage, while picking up the perfect Christmas presents with no hassle! For my cousin, she gets to practice her not-so-good English and spices up her usual sales with an “out-of-France” experience.
One year she had, among the colourful and unusual knick-knack she brings, a metal tea box with the written phrase “Thé ma copine”. I was so sure that this box would be gone within a couple of hours, perfect for the English clientele: a tea box, functional but original, cheap, with a sense of humour. But two days later, despite the success of the sale and the many clients, the box remained unsold. When asked which item I’d like to keep, I didn’t hesitate one second, and the box is now sitting in my kitchen, reminding me every day of the big cultural differences between nations.
The literal translation of “Thé ma copine” into “Tea my friend” makes no sense at all, and reveals the so funny and absurd exercice of translating if not well-equipped with all the necessary tools. It should say “T’es ma copine” which is a non-formal way of saying “You’re my friend”. Not a clever joke but a funny one nonetheless! And surely one that Google Translate won’t understand at all (I’ve tried, it says only “my girlfriend”)…